Overview

My Aunt had a birthday this past weekend. All sorts of relatives were in from out of town. The condition I was in over the weekend prohibited me from attending any family functions. This was a good thing. I don't really like my family. I grew up being the black sheep. My family loves football, something I don't much care for. I don't speak Spanish well. And they always have a problem with the way I dressed or styled my hair or anything that didn't meet their standards. I was always the bearer of their spiteful comments. This is not done by all family members, but still, why didn't anyone defend me? I remember asking my mom when I was a little why my family didn't like me, her response was that it was all in my head.

Part of living with my increasing panic attacks is knowing my limitations. This, I just learned. My eternal judge, me, felt like if something gave me anxiety it was best to confront it and not be weak. This only increased my misery. Now I realize, that I'm in a phase right now. My coping skills are non-existent due to my past. I'm determined not to let whatever is happening to me control the rest of my life. I'm taking steps to fix me but it won't be overnight, and for now, I have to listen to myself and determine what I can do and what I cannot do.

I got an A for my Pet Shop Boys Indesign magazine. The professor even wrote a note saying it was superior work. I guess its because the assignment called for six pages; I did 18. It's funny how I don't believe I'm deserving of that grade in spite of the countless hours I put in it. Now I have the final project to worry about. I have to develop a website using Indesign and Flash. On top of that, I have tons of reading to do for my other classes. Furthermore, final exams are not far away. These next two weeks are gonna be brutal.