The anxiety is slowly creeping back. The other day my mind was so preoccupied that I locked myself out of the house. Stupid, I know. I had to take the bus to the library and hangout there till my mom was able to pick me up. Yesturday, at Wal-Mart, all the people there got me claustrophobic and I rushed out of there like a monkey at a Britney Spears concert. I'm getting myself in a panic about the internship next month. I'm thinking of ways of how to get out of it. I've been isolating myself more and more.
I heard a saying the other day that rang true to me, that which you avoid, controls you. Why am I so afraid? Is it all in my head? Is it the 10 years of drinking and drugging that damaged my neurotransmitters that I can function properly? Is it that I have no coping skills because of my self medication? I don't know. All I know is that I am my biggest judge. This needs to change. So here's a list to help me control that inner judge:
1. I will always say the wrong thing at the exact wrong time.
2. I will always be accident prone.
3. I will never be a dynamic public speaker or conversationalist.
4. I will never hold myself responsible for other people's opinions.
Golden cities
1 year ago
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