Weekly Roundup

Applied for a photographer position for the school newspaper. Also applied for a media scholarship. I had to provide five example of my graphic design work. I gave them work I had posted on deviant art.

My friend who had discovered my deviant art account is still my friend. LOL...not that I had expected him not to. It feels good that my friends will always be my friends no matter how many ways I find to make an ass out of myself.

I went to a rather big AA meeting last Saturday and I was called upon to speak. My nerves jumped to full force. I couldn't find the courage to look at anyone as I spoke. I was shaking. I had to pause in the middle of my speech to calm myself down. My cracked voice could probably be heard from miles away. But hey, at least I spoke. The subject was about how alcoholics always rationalize their drinking by telling themeselves that they can quit drinking on thier own terms. I spoke about how I had suffered countless relapses because I refused to believe I couldn't do it alone and that the 12 steps were for weak minded people. It wasn't until I gave on those ideas that I was able to enter a life of sobriety.

I went to a gay church yesturday. A friend had invited me. I accepted the invite because I mostly like to stay at home where it's nice and safe and where I don't have to be social whatsoever. Not being social I know only increases my anxieties in the real world. I want to better myself, so I went, and boy was it difficult. I lack the social graces that most people have. My mind runs at 100 miles per second. So many thoughts run through my head at the same time, it's difficult for me to form a complete sentence. To make matters worse, a person who I find very unsavory was in attendance. And to make matters much more worse, there was a potluck at the end. So I had to double the time trying to be cordial and social. Although I know I wasn't as social as the people around me, I did my best.